Human error
by Todoroki Eri
Summary: The most persnickety and perfectionist secretary ever is late for work for the first time since she has been hired, which makes her boss get worried despite himself.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes what you are used to do doesn't turn out as usual.

Sometimes what you are good at doesn't go well.

Sometimes experience fails you.

Sometimes you give your best and it's all for nothing.

He wasn't used to that kind of thing happening, but he knew well that, when it did, it was always in the worst way possible.

...

 _She's late._

It was almost 10 a.m. on a Friday morning, and Namie, who should have checked in at 8.30 a.m., was nowhere to be seen. Which was very rare, as she had the really annoying habit of being ridiculously perfect in pretty much everything work-related, so not being in time was out of the question for her.

But she was, indeed, late. And her boss had noticed it immediately.

He had, of course, called her. After dialing her number, which he had saved on his phone as "Pizza shop" so that nobody knew it was actually Namie, he found that it had signal, but nobody answered any of the eleven times he tried it.

Slightly annoyed at that, he started to ponder the reasons why she could be late. He thought that maybe she had overslept, but it was unlikely. Perhaps there had been some problem with the morning train, but after a quick search on the net he found it was not so. It could simply be that she had decided not to go that day; again, this was unlikely. And another option that occurred to him was that something might had happened to Seiji. Didn't take him long to confirm that he was alright and with Mika, as always.

All this and more he had thought before 9 o'clock, when she wasn't even half an hour late, and only one possibility lingered on his mind now: something bad had happened to her.

If he hadn't done anything yet was because he considered that he was probably exaggerating, and surely she hadn't arrived yet because of something completely trivial.

But it was hard to be convinced by that. It might had worked if she was someone else, or if Izaya himself was someone else; but since they both were who they were, since the wrong sort of people was on the look for them, since they belonged in a dangerous line of work, being worried now was just natural.

He hated to admit it, so he'd never do it, but he was certainly worried. If Namie had been found nothing good would happen to her. And as much as he wished not to care about anybody, he had been sharing most of the time of the last six months with the damn woman and it was difficult now to imagine another half year without her. He was used to her assistance on the job, to her witty remarks that were the only match for his own, to finding someone was there when he got back home…

It hasn't even been two hours. She's not really missing until it's been a whole day. I shouldn't think about it this much.

Even if that was true, he still couldn't be at ease. He then realised that, since it was Friday that day, if she had not got to work for some harmless reason he wouldn't know until Monday. And if he waited till then and it'd turn out that she had been in trouble, it'd be too late by that time and he'll regret not having checked before. That quickly changed his mind about the whole thing of not giving it much more thought.

 _Tch. It can't be helped. I'll go search her. If she's just lazing around I'll freeze her salary a week._

He took his fur-trimmed coat and left for the apartment he had bought her for hiding.

...

He got there in just a few minutes (he had purposely chosen an apartment nearby when he had bought it), and he was thinking a way to get inside. He had made himself a copy of the key, of course, but he doubted that his secretary hadn't changed the lock, as she seemed to know him well enough to imagine he had said key. He went to the front door all the same to check if it had been forced. There were no signs of that, however, which was relieving. He decided then, since he was there, to check if she had indeed changed the lock. He took out his key, put it in, and turned it.

A soft click and the door was open.

That was a surprise.

'I thought you were smarter than this, Namie-san.', he said quietly with a smirk, trying to dismiss the thought that maybe she actually trusted him.

Izaya stepped in slowly, looking around. He called for Namie and got no answer, so he stepped in further to find that the place was not how he had imagined.

He expected it to be practically empty, looking almost like a hotel room, like somewhere you don't expect to spend a long time. But instead he found it fully furnished and elegantly decorated.

The open living room where he was standing at the moment was filled by a set of expensive sofas, a coffee table, a comfy chair with a reading lamp by its side and a big library bursting with books. Hanging in the walls there were a couple of paintings and some pictures; surprisingly enough, only a few were of Seiji (she probably didn't have as many as she wished), and the rest were of beautiful places that Izaya was pretty sure she hadn't been in.

There weren't any signs that Namie had been there that morning, so he went to the kitchen to check if she had had breakfast there at least.

The kitchen as well was quite complete: there were lots of food in both the cupboards and the fridge, and everything was perfectly clean. Too clean, in fact, to have been used recently. So no breakfast either. His uneasiness started to grow as he went in search of the bedroom to see if if she had spent the night there.

There was something about that apartment, though, that would distract him from time to time. It seemed to engulf him somehow. Namie was a very reserved person who rarely spoke about herself, but her living place was actually the opposite: every single thing in there was screaming her name. The way the furniture was arranged, the decoration style, the little pictures, the kind of groceries she had… Everything told a bit about her in one way or another; and Izaya, who despite almost living with her for quite a long time now, didn't know much about his secretary, he couldn't help to feel curious and to stop sometimes at those little things, even if he was in a hurry.

What got to him the most was how much time Namie seemed to have invested on that apartment. Everything showed that she had settled there completely, but anyone who knew her would have thought that she wouldn't want to stay there, as that would mean that she had gotten used to her current situation, that she didn't have the intention to leave her position as Izaya's secretary. Sure as he was that she hated both her job and him, Izaya couldn't help to feel somewhat shocked at all this.

When he finally got to the bedroom, he found, to his relief, that the sheets and blankets were unarranged, so it would seem that she had indeed slept there that night. He opened the wardrobe in case she had taken her stuff and left, but it was full. There were loads of clothes he hadn't seen on her, as she always wore the same kind of outfit to the office. He found himself wondering how she looked in that long red dress that she had probably wore in some company party back when she still worked at Yagiri Pharmaceuticals, when he noticed the fabric was fluttering. Looking at his right, he saw that the balcony door was open.

His mouth twitched, having a bad feeling about that.

Izaya walked there to find that the balcony wasn't too high, so getting there from the ground wouldn't be too difficult. That was bad.

He also saw a couple of small drops of blood on the balcony.

That was even worse.

He busted out of the apartment as fast as he could, thinking a thousand things at the same time, but mostly how stupid he had been. How could he have chosen a place to which accessing would be so easy? What other flaws did his "protection" for Namie have, what else had he overlooked? Had he been too confident about his skills, or had he underestimated the people from Yagiri Pharmaceuticals?

Because one thing was clear to him now: it was definitely them who had taken his secretary. That way of stealing someone through the window was a classic for those experts on human traffic. That was one of the things he had overlooked. He felt just like an idiot.

But at least he knew where to find them.

...

When they still were an independent company and didn't have to obey Nebula's orders, Yagiri Pharmaceuticals had a few warehouses they would use for their shady affairs. Most were abandoned now, which came in handy for the guys who had taken Namie.

They were five men, two keeping watch outside and three inside the warehouse, all of them in their thirties or forties. They had been employees of Yagiri Pharmaceuticals when Nebula took over, and they had managed to keep their jobs. One of the conditions for this was that they worked to find the head that everyone suspected to be with Namie, so the first step was to find her.

Despite what Izaya might think now, it hadn't been easy. They had been relentlessly searching all over Japan for half a year, and now that they had finally found her, they were really mad at the fact that she was so close by and they hadn't even noticed. One of them, especially, was the the angriest of all.

He was a skinny, tallish young man with parted hair and square glasses. He looked at Namie, who was in front of him, seated on a chair with her hands tied at her back and still wearing her nightgown, as if she was the most disgusting thing he had ever laid his eyes on.

'I really don't like to repeat myself, Yagi- no, Namie-san. What's the need for formalities now?' he smirked. 'I won't ask it again, Namie-san: where's the head?'

'You should've worked to find it instead of wasting both your time and mine to find me.', she said, a mocking smile on her face.

The man didn't even hesitate and punched her hard on her left cheek, making her mouth fill with blood. It wasn't the first time he had hit her.

From the very moment in which they broke into her apartment, that man had been especially violent with her. They had come in through the balcony, and as soon as the noise had woken her up, the man had struck her with his fist in the head. Confused by the hit, her head pounding in pain, she couldn't fight much when they dragged her away from the bed. She managed to kick one of them when they were already in the balcony, which gained her another punch, making her spit some blood on the floor. They took the chance then to knock her out with chloroform, and a little before she fell unconscious, she finally recognised the man who had hit her as her former assistant.

'Namie-san,' the man's voice trembled with anger, 'you don't seem to realize what kind of situation you're in. This is not like in the old times, you see, when you could boss me around as you wished and I just had to deal with it. The tables have turned. Now it's me who can do whatever I like to you.'

He crouched to face her and took her by the cheeks with one hand, making her look him in the eyes.

'I actually hope you never tell us where the head is.', he whispered 'Because that way I'll have the chance to torture you to my heart's content, and even kill you afterwards if I like.'

Namie stared at him with eyes of indifference, while he just smiled at the thought of taking her life, which distracted him from noticing her opening her mouth to stab his hand with her teeth.

The man got up screaming in pain, but Namie hadn't let go yet and blood was already flowing from the bite. He finally managed to get free from her grip, and quickly grasped a bat one of his colleagues was holding and hit her with it.

He had aimed at the head, but his wrath prevented him from hitting properly, so most of the blow had landed on the side of her face and it hadn't been as strong as he had intended. Still, it was hard enough to knock her out. Namie's head laid on the back of the chair, unconscious, blood dripping slowly from her wounds.

'What are you doing, are you crazy!?' one of the others screamed at the man. 'If you kill her now we'll never find the fucking head! You wanna get us all fired!?'

'If she dies, we'll just tell them she didn't know anything.'

'I don't care! I just don't want the blood of anyone on my hands just because you have some sort of grudge against her!'

'What does it matter? It's not like anyone is going to cry for this one.'

The other guy was about to reply when some noise and screaming came from outside. It was from the ones guarding the doors.

'Shit!', the man cursed. 'Go see what's happening!'

The others obeyed immediately, leaving him alone with Namie.

'Whatever is happening outside, I bet it's your doing. You would always pull stuff like this back then. I don't know how you did it, but it was definitely YOU!'

Driven by his madness, the man grasped her neck with both hands, trying to strangle her. Namie, still unconscious as she was, couldn't do anything, and her body laid on that chair like a broken doll. The man's hands were close to completely stop her from breathing, until a sharp pain attacked his back. Confused, he loosed his grip and looked behind him to see what was causing that pain. He couldn't see it well, but a metallic shine gave him a conclusive hint of what it was.

'Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt you?'

He raised his head to look at the owner of that unknown voice, and saw a smiling man dressed entirely in black looming before him. Immediately after, he got kicked on the head by him, flying pass Namie and hitting some junk.

Izaya took the chance to go to Namie and undo her bindings. She had been hit several times all over her body; it was pitiful to see her like that. Guilt stung his heart.

'I-Izaya…?', she mumbled suddenly.

She was starting to regain her consciousness and was surprised to see him there. He tried to give her a reassuring look to make her know it was all over, but it probably looked more like an apology.

'How…?', she started, but the pain wouldn't let her speak.

'The guys from Dragon Zombie are taking care of the others.' Izaya explained. 'You shouldn't speak now.'

He held her carefully by her waist and helped her stand up, putting her arm around his shoulders.

'You are putting yourself… in the line… coming here… Why?'

'Ah, just felt like being the knight in shining armour for once.'

'Black doesn't... shine much, you know.'

'You are making jokes? That's so rare, I hope you don't have brain damage.'

'You'd like that; you'd be smarter than me for once.'

He chuckled softly at her tease and looked at her. They had never been that close and she was even smiling, probably relieved to be safe now, probably happy to see that there was someone she could count on, even if he wasn't who she would have at first hoped or expected. But that smile soon faded, and turned into a grimace of pain.

Izaya, confused, looked behind her and saw the man from before, dragging himself through the floor and bleeding, but holding something against Namie's back. Something shiny.

Izaya's very own switchblade.

Namie fell on her knees, sliding from his arms. He rushed to hold her, and with a swift movement he managed to stamp the sole of his boot on the man's face, whose nose went almost inside his brain, making him scream his lungs out in excruciating pain.

Izaya checked the knife and the wound. It wasn't very deep, but Namie's strength was already quite at its limit. Anything could happen now.

'Namie… Namie… Namie, listen to me…'

He held her right cheek in his hand, trying as he could to get her to look at him, while with the other hand he took his phone and put in Shinra's number.

The pain made tears flow from Namie's eyes.

'Namie, you've got to hold on… You've got to hold on a bit, ok? You can do this, you're strong, you can do it…'

She couldn't even speak, her breath was getting more and more erratic...

'You can do it, Namie, come on, you can do it… If I could survive this, so you can...'

'Shinra will be here in no time… You are going to be fine… Everything's going to be fine…'

'We'll fix this and I'll give you some days off, ok? A holiday so you can travel to those places of your living room's pictures… Alright?"

'Hold on a little longer… Just a little longer…'

'Hold on, Namie.'

'Look at me, please look at me, you mustn't close your eyes, please look at me, please Namie.'

'Please hold on, Namie, please don't leave.'

'Don't leave, you can't leave now.'

'Please don't leave me alone again…'


	2. Not Speaking Of The Way

As the woman's eyes closed slowly and her head fell tiredly on his shoulder, his heart and mind burst with despair. It was happening again, it was his fault again, it didn't seem to matter whatever he did to avoid it, it just kept happening, over and over…

'Move.'

A soft but firm push moved him away from Namie's body, which he had been holding close for so long now that his arms were numb. Confused, with his mind clouded by the shock, he looked to his side to see who it was, and it took him longer than it should to process that his friend was actually there at last.

Shinra had entered hurriedly and without as much as asking what had happened; he went straight to the one who needed him at the moment. Completely focused on the wound, he ignored Izaya, who couldn't do anything but to stare at him and at Namie.

'I always had the feeling that I'd have to do this someday, Yagiri-san…' Shinra whispered absentmindedly as he took his instruments.

Izaya didn't hear him, he was too lost among his own thoughts. Thoughts of Namie's breath fading, of her body trembling, of the pain when the man stabbed her and of the smile that had preceded that fatal moment…

He noticed suddenly that his hands were sticky, and looked down to see her blood on them, shining bright and red against his paleness...

'Orihara-kun, pass me the gauze.'

Thoughts of how it had been his knife…

'Izaya!'

Like waking from a trance, the informant finally turned at his friend's voice, looking as if he hadn't noticed he was there until that moment.

'Pass me the gauze.', Shinra repeated, more calmly now.

Izaya did as he had told him, and he tried to concentrate on helping him as much as he could, but it was easy to see that he wasn't himself at that moment.

Shinra took a quick look at him.

' _The koinobori is tearing up, huh…'_ , he thought.

Izaya's expression reminded him that one he had had when that incident in high school took place, only now he looked far worse. His eyes were irritated and he had lost all little colour he had, except for his lips, swollen and pink, and for the reddish marks of blood on his neck were Namie had laid her head.

'I need you to press here.' Shinra told him. 'Don't put too much strength, but hold firmly.'

Izaya proceeded to do so, but as soon as his hands touched the woman's skin, his mind went back to the despair it had been trying to get rid of up until then.

' _Cold… So cold…'_ , he thought. Stress built up within him.

Shinra noticed this immediately.

'It's not too late, we can still help her.', he assured him. 'I won't let her go, and neither will you.'

…

The fresh, white sheets felt soft against her skin, but they weren't her sheets.

The pillow was comfortable, but it wasn't her pillow.

The room was nicely decorated and clean, but it wasn't hers either.

It wasn't any she had seen before.

So where was she?

And more importantly...

What was that horrible pain in her back?

'Good morning, Yagiri-san.', a cheerful voice greeted her. And this one she knew.

Turning her head slowly to where the voice had come from and blinking to adapt her eyes to the light, Namie saw her former colleague standing beside her, with a wide smile on his face.

'Kishitani-san?', she said with a sleepy voice 'What happened? Where am I?'

'In my apartment. You were kidnapped and stabbed on the back.' he explained. 'We thought we'd lost you for a moment, but now you seem to be out of danger.'

She remembered now. That useless bunch of her ex-subordinates had taken her, asking for the stupid head. They had beaten her all over, which had to be why her whole body was aching. But the bit about the stabbing was somewhat blurry. Although she could recall the pain quite clearly.

'I had to intervene you, but rest assured, everything went fine.' the doctor continued. 'However, to be on the safe side, I recommend that you stay here a few days. It'd be troublesome if the wound opened up, and it's not the only injure that must be attended; they gave you quite a beating. Still, there are no broken bones and… Yagiri-san, you are not listening, are you?'

Namie had been trying to sit up on the bed while Shinra spoke, but the wound would cry in pain as soon as she moved.

'I imagined you'd be like this.', sighed Shinra. 'You mustn't move yet, give it a few hours at least!' He tucked the sheets and blankets in, trapping her in the bed (which, incidentally, seemed to had been stolen from Yagiri Pharmaceuticals).

'Kishitani-san, this is already quite embarrassing as it is, please don't make it worse.' she protested.

'Embarrassing? Is it because I saw you in your underwear? You mustn't worry about that; not only I am a professional but also I couldn't look at anybody that wasn't my beloved Ce-'

'I didn't exactly mean that,' she interrupted sharply, annoyed. Shinra's ramblings could go on for quite a long time, and she hadn't forgotten that it was best to cut them off as soon as possible, 'but I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about it.' She was actually trying her best not to punch the man who had just saved her life.

Speaking of which…

She was starting to recall the details of the stabbing, including her boss' presence. He had gone to take her out of there, and when that coward stabbed her from behind, he had held her and talked to her…

He talked to her…

What had he said…?

 _'Please don't...'_

'Yagiri-san?' called Shinra with and inquisitive face, 'You seem miles away, is something wrong?'

'No, I just…', she started, but got lost on her thoughts again, remembering more.

'Kishitani-san...'

'Yes?'

'Where is Izaya-san?'

…

After they had taken Namie to Shinra's apartment, the doctor had immediately carried her into a room that served as an operation room, and started with the proper surgery. Izaya had to wait outside, not really sure about what to do.

He sat defeatedly on the sofa, nervous as to what would happen to her, and trying not to care at the same time.

He could do nothing but to think about all that had just happened in only a few hours. Even if he was used to this kind of chaos, to be so close to it was kind of new. And the more he thought about it, the more he despised his reactions.

He didn't even have a good professional relationship with Namie; they were both quite distant with each other. It might have been true that this seemed to be changing little by little as they got used to the situation, and that Namie's apartment had showed him that she probably wouldn't quit as soon as she got a chance, as he had presumed, but neither of them could say as yet that they "got along". So why had he been that uneasy when she disappeared? And why had it pained him that much when the man stabbed her? He had even tried to encourage her not to give up, which was something very human he wouldn't usually have done. If he was getting empathetic, he should do something about it before it supposed a problem for him.

It had to be that; after all, Namie and him were quite similar in some ways, and getting stabbed was certainly something he could relate to.

It had to be empathy. And empathy was troublesome.

Not long after, Shinra finally got out from the room with good news. There hadn't been any complications, and Namie was pretty much stable.

'She'll probably wake up in a couple of hours,' he was saying 'but I want to keep her here for observation for a few days.'

'I see.' answered Izaya. 'Good job. See ya.'

He headed to the front door nonchalantly, but before he could even reach the doorknob, the tall figure of his friend loomed before him, looking almost as dark as the being he loved, and blocking his way out.

'Where do you think you're going, Orihara-kun~?', the doctor's voice sounded calm and collected, but his facial expression was actually quite scary.

'Home, of course. I don't have anything to do here.'

'Oh, I don't think so.' He put his hands on his shoulders and started to push him away from the door. Izaya was slightly surprised at his strength. 'You're not going to leave your wanted-dead-or-alive secretary in my apartment just like that and not take responsibility for her.' Izaya was leaning backwards, trying to get away from Shinra's frown, which he kept very close to his face, as if scolding him. 'Not to mention how heartless it would be of you to leave her alone when she has barely escaped from death.'

' _To leave her alone…'_ The words echoed on Izaya's mind for a split second.

If he stayed, he would have to face her sooner or later, and just thinking about how awkward that was bound to be gave him the chills. However… The feeling of her dying in his arms without him being able to do anything to stop it, with the whole thing (he believed) being his fault… It had been too much of a rough time, and something he wasn't likely to be able to forget. Even if part of him wanted to avoid seeing Namie, he actually _needed_ to see her, to see with his own eyes that everything was alright now.

'Fine.', he finally conceded.

'Good!', exclaimed Shinra with a smile. 'I knew you'd be reasonab-'

'But only so I can see you explaining Celty that I'll have to live here a few days.'

Shinra's smile faded slowly as he imagined the situation.

'You're a horrible person, Orihara-kun.'

…

Shinra didn't see that question coming. He had been sure that Namie would ask him if her brother knew she was there or something of the sort, but that the first person she had wondered about had been Izaya was certainly unexpected.

Actually, Shinra was quite probably the only person who could claim to know both Izaya and Namie pretty well. He had grown up with the first and worked for a few years with the second, so he was indeed someone who had had the chance to observe them well. And now he thought about it, they weren't as different as one could imagine. For instance, both displayed astounding intelligences like nothing he had seen before; they were proud, cold and calculating and thought themselves to be above everybody else… To be honest, Shinra doubted any of the things they had in common were good, but they sure were a lot. Even on looks they stood out in a similar way: neither Izaya nor Namie were the kind of people to go unnoticed.

Bearing this in mind, even if they weren't the kind of people to "make friends", their personalities mustn't clash much, so Shinra supposed they might have been kind of close. Although he was sure neither of them would admit such a thing.

'He's at the living room, watching Hanamaru Kindergarten.' he answered her. 'Personally I don't understand what does he like about it.'

'Can you ask him to come here?'

Shinra couldn't hide his renewed surprise, but he didn't comment anything. He thought she probably wanted to thank Izaya for going to take her out of there. Maybe.

She didn't seem the "thank you for saving me, how can I ever repay you" kind of person, though.

'Well?', she said, getting impatient (as was more common on her) at his silence.

'Right! Yes! I'll tell him…'

Shinra left the room with a puzzled expression and walked to the sofa, where Izaya was sitting, watching TV as he had said.

'How is she?', he asked, without looking away from the screen.

'Good. She seemed a bit confused at first, but she's alright.'

'That's good to hear.'

'And she wants to see you.'

'I see. Wait, what?'

This time he did look away from the TV.

'She asked me to tell you to go to her room.', Shinra explained.

'I don't think so.', he snorted.

'You don't think you'll go?'

'I don't think she asked! Why would she ask such a thing?'

'How about you go and ask _her_?'

Izaya opened his mouth to reply, but didn't find anything to say. Which was rare. Shinra squinted at him.

'Is there any reason why you wouldn't want to go in there, Orihara-kun?'

'Don't be ridiculous, what reason could there be?'

'Well then, it's bad manners to keep people waiting.'

…

There were tons of reasons. But the ones he was most concerned about were that "moment" they had had before she got stabbed and everything that followed, especially what he had said to her.

Although she probably didn't remember any of that. After all, she had been almost unconscious, and the pain couldn't have let her pay much attention to what he was saying. It was probably best to pretend that nothing had happened.

He knocked on her room's door, and he came in after Namie's voice had told him to.

He closed behind him, and not without effort, he looked at her.

The scene was so strange it took him a while to get used to it. He had always seen her with the same sort of clothes, without any kind of flaw on her, always perfect and immaculate. Now she was wearing a hospital light blue coat, she was pale and full of dark bruises, her hair was slightly dishevelled and she had a tired look instead of the usual cold one. She was sitting up on the bed, but in a way that made clear that the wound didn't let her sit more comfortably.

And he really could relate.

All thoughts of empathy being a problem vanished as the only person he had been close to for the last six months was going through the same pain he had not so long ago gone through.

And neither of them was saying anything.

Even though she had been the one to ask for him to go there, Namie realised now she had Izaya in front of her that she wasn't really sure what it was that she wanted to say to him.

No, actually, she did know. Among other things, she wanted to ask him about what he had said to her before. She just knew she had somehow witnessed a side of her boss she hadn't even imagined he would have, although it was hard to give that side a name. Probably "compassion" was the closest one to whatever it was. Be that as it may, the thing was that for some reason she was really curious about it, a bit fascinated even. There was something compelling about it.

But she couldn't find a way to bring up the subject. So even though she had called him, she hadn't said anything yet.

Izaya found that weird.

She had asked him to go but she hadn't said what she wanted yet. And that got him somewhat anxious. He still thought that she couldn't possibly remember all that had happened, but part of him feared that she did, and that she wanted to make some comment about it.

Determined as he was to pretend that none of that had happened, he decided to break the ice as naturally as he could.

'How are you feeling?', he asked.

'In pain, but fine.', she answered. Her voice sounded raspy and tired, but as resolved as usual. 'Kishitani-san treated me really well. Please thank him on my behalf.'

'Hm, I will.'

Silence again. It was as if they had just met on an elevator. They had got used to each other a few months ago, and could talk quite easily on a regular basis, but all of a sudden it was as if they had started all over again, like everything was different now.

'Is that why you called me, to thank Shinra?', he finally asked.

'No.' decided Namie.

'What is it, then?'

Namie closed her eyes, put on a strange face like she had bitten on a lemon, and took a deep breath.

'I wanted to thank you.'

Izaya could almost see her swallowing all that pride.

'Me?'

'There's no one else here.' Namie frowned a little at his disbelief.

For some reason, it looked as if her words displeased him.

'There's nothing to thank me for.', he said, suddenly getting serious.

Namie had expected him to get all full of himself and arrogant, and she even thought he would mock her or make some stupid comment. Anything but that.

'Are you being modest now?', she said. 'That's not like you.'

Hadn't he joked about wanting to be "the knight in shining armour" when he had untied her? What was with that attitude now?

'No, I just didn't do anything.'

'Yes, you did.', she argued, starting to get annoyed.

'I didn't.', he said curtly.

They both finally understood: Izaya, that Namie _did_ remember everything; Namie, that Izaya wanted her to forget it.

Neither liked any of that one bit.

'Is that how it is?', said Namie after a while; quietly, but obviously vexed.

'What?' Izaya couldn't believe she was insisting on the matter.

'Nothing. Forget it.', she blurted. 'You may leave.'

The way she saw it, Izaya had seen her in the weakest state she had ever been, and there was nothing she could do about that. But also he was denying her his own moment of weakness. He was trying to erase it, to dismiss it like it had never happened. That annoyed her to no end.

'What are you getting angry for now?', asked Izaya, showing that he himself was quite irritated too.

'Angry? I'm not getting angry about anything. You must be _imagining_ things.'

The reproachful tone she had used made clear what she meant. For a moment he looked kind of embarrassed, and even seemed to blush a little, but he soon went back to be himself.

'Fine, whatever.', he said, bursting out of the room, almost slamming the door shut.

He had got out so furiously he hadn't even seen Shinra and had almost hit him. The doctor was surprised at the turn of events.

'Orihara-kun?', he called, 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing!', Izaya snapped.

'Okay… So, how is Yagiri-san now?'

'Oh, she's fine! The same as always!'

Shinra felt really lost as to what was going on. Izaya wasn't actually the kind to get mad like that; he usually just automatically planned revenge and never did any shouting. He observed how he was getting a beer from the fridge and drinking it angrily, and thought how "normal" he looked just then.

'Really? I found her quite different from how I remembered her.', he commented.

Izaya glared at him from behind the beer can, looking like he wasn't in the mood to listen to his stories. But his curiosity was piqued.

'Right, I had forgotten you worked with her.'

'More like _for_ her, but yes, she would give me a lot of work from time to time.'

'How was she as a boss?'

Izaya had calmed down quite a lot. His curiosity for humans was stronger than his anger, as Shinra had predicted.

'Well, she could be quite strict and easy to get mad, and I'm not going to lie: when she got mad she was scary.', told Shinra, 'But she'd praise you when you did a good job, and she paid generously. So she wasn't that bad.'

'How come she got kidnapped by her ex-employee, then?', Izaya pointed out.

'Ah, that. Well, I don't know much about him, but for what I had heard when I was in Yagiri Pharmaceuticals, he hated to have a woman for a boss. Also, rumour had it he had tried to hit on her before he knew who she was, and apparently she had rejected him in front of a lot of people. I guess that's where his grudge comes from.'

Izaya tried to imagine the situation. Knowing how good Namie could get at being cruel, he could totally picture the whole deal as something really humiliating for that man. Bearing in mind that he had to work for her after that, it wasn't a wonder that he had grown to hate her.

He remembered then one time he had ordered a pizza and a new delivery boy had come. Izaya hadn't failed at noticing the way said delivery boy had stared at Namie. He also hadn't failed at noticing that, from that day on, every pizza he ordered was delivered by him. Finally, one day, the poor guy had gathered enough courage to ask Namie out. The glare she had answered him with had given chills to Izaya himself, let alone to the guy, who never came back. But it had been quite an amusing scene to watch.

'What's so funny?', asked Shinra.

'What?'

'You were smiling.'

'I wasn't.', denied Izaya.

Shinra squinted at him.

'...Okay. You're weird today, Orihara-kun.', he said.

'Takes one to know one.', was his reply.

Shinra ignored him as he turned to the kitchen to make some dinner for Namie. Izaya remembered then what she had told him before they argued.

'By the way, Shinra.', he started.

'Yes?'

'She told me to thank you for your work.'

'Oh, I see. I'll tell her not to worry about that when I bring her dinner.'

He was preparing soup. Izaya observed him cooking while he thought more about that day's events.

'Actually, I too should thank you.', he finally said.

Shinra got somewhat serious.

'Well.', he said, 'I think I owed you.'

'How so?'

He looked at him with a sad smile.

'I hang up on you, remember?'

It took him a second to realise what he was talking about.

When he had got stabbed, Izaya had called Shinra and he had hang up after saying something really hurtful. Of course, Izaya would never admit that it had pained him, but Shinra knew him too well. He hadn't given it a second thought after he had said it, mad as he was at Izaya for managing to get the police to call him; but seeing him in that warehouse, holding Namie's almost lifeless body, Shinra felt like something had changed. Because he had rushed to help the woman, he couldn't see the scene properly, but he was sure his friend looked as if his own life was leaving him. So later, when he reflected upon this, he felt guilty for having forgotten how easy to break his friend could actually be.

'I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, Orihara-kun.', apologized Shinra.

'I shouldn't have led the police to you.', admitted Izaya.

Shinra was surprised once again. He hadn't expected any kind of apology from him (although it had hardly been an apology, but coming from Izaya it was good enough). He was more and more sure about his belief that something had actually changed in him.

'Are we even now, then?', he asked.

Izaya nodded.

And so Shinra continued cooking.

…

When the soup was ready, Shinra poured it in a bowl and carried it in a tray to Namie's room, while Izaya went back to the sofa to watch TV. It wasn't until he had got to the door that Shinra realised he couldn't neither knock nor open it while carrying the tray, so he turned at Izaya.

'Could you give me a hand, Orihara-kun?'

He gave him a couldn't-you-have-asked-before-I-sat-down kind of look, but he got up nonetheless and knocked. There was no answer, which didn't bother Shinra, who thought she was probably just sleeping, but got Izaya on guard. It had felt like when he had called her when she disappeared and couldn't get through, like when he broke into her apartment and she hadn't been there. Shinra told him to open the door, and came in to find that she was, as he had thought, asleep. Izaya was relieved, but didn't want them to notice, so he head back to the sofa… or so he had intended, but he got distracted.

Shinra had left the tray in the bedside table, and was shaking Namie's shoulder lightly to wake her up. Once again, the scene transported Izaya back to the warehouse: seeing Namie lying down, with her eyes closed and all those beating marks reminded him how he had held her and how seriously he thought she wouldn't make it.

She finally opened her eyes, and Shinra told her she should eat something. As she tried to sit up, she happened to look at the door and saw Izaya staring at her from the other side. She remembered their argument immediately, and giving him a hard look she asked Shinra to close the door.

Seeing the door getting closed at him got him angry again, and with a pout he finally sat to watch TV and try to forget about his uptight secretary.

…

A few days went by like this. Izaya and Namie would only talk to Shinra and not with each other, still mad and prideful.

Shinra was paying a lot of attention to Namie, for a series of reasons: one, so that her wound could cure well; two, so that it would cure _fast_ and get them both out of there, and three, because Izaya was being cranky and he couldn't really stand him like that.

Having those two at his apartment was nearly a nightmare for Shinra. When told about the situation, Celty had decided to disappear until everything was back to normal, and she was probably spending those days at Anri-chan's place, so he obviously missed her. As if that wasn't bad enough, dealing with them wasn't easy. They were both on a terrible mood, and he wasn't even sure why. He could understand it on Namie's part, as she was partially in pain and had gone through a lot; but when it came to what the heck was wrong with Izaya, he was at a loss. He knew he was mad at Namie, and that she as well was mad at Izaya, but the reasons were a mystery for him, and frankly, he'd rather not ask. But Izaya wasn't being a nuisance only because he was angry with Namie, but also because he was terribly bored.

And soon he wasn't the only one. One evening, Namie asked Shinra if he had anything she could read. Since she was getting better quite swiftly, she didn't feel too tired, so now she didn't feel like sleeping all the time as before, and was simply bored. Shinra promised to provide her with something that would entertain her, but he soon realised he had spoken too fast. After almost fifteen minutes searching through his shelves, he hadn't found anything.

Annoyed at the noise Shinra was doing with the books, Izaya got up from the sofa he seemed to have hijacked those days, and went to where he was crouching.

'What are you doing?', he asked him.

'Yagiri-san asked me for something to read, but I'm afraid I only have medicine books.', explained the doctor, discarding a manual on anatomy. 'And Celty only has some about aliens, and I don't think that's on Yagiri-san's interest.'

'Certainly not.', said Izaya, thinking about the library he had found at her apartment, filled to the top of mainly classic literature and some bestsellers. He remembered how it had surprised him to find so much fiction in there: he had Namie for a woman with no interest on anything that wasn't real, especially since she had claimed that she hadn't bothered much in investigating the mythology behind Celty's head. However, when he had been at her apartment, he recognised a few books on that subject, some of which he owned too, and which seemed to have been bought recently. That made him smile.

'Shinra.'

'Yes?', he answered absentmindedly, checking out another book.

'You really mustn't give her that book on poisons and venoms; I'm pretty sure she knows plenty about that.', said Izaya. 'I'll go get her something.'

Shinra turned to him.

'Really?'

'Yeah, why?', Izaya frowned.

'It seems like a too nice detail to be coming from you.', explained the doctor.

'I'm offended, Shinra.', he lied. 'I'll be right back.'

Izaya went to the door and took his coat.

'Orihara-kun!', Shinra called him from the living room.

'What now?'

'If you aren't back in an hour I'll tell Shizuo to go after you.'

'Fine, fine, I got it.', he said, leaving the place for the first time in a week.

…

'Come in.', said Namie after Shinra had knocked on her door.

'How are you feeling, Yagiri-san?', he asked, closing behind him.

'Fine. I haven't felt any pain all day. You really are a gifted practitioner, Kishitani-san.'

'Oh, no, I'm nothing out of the ordinary.', he assured, but he couldn't help to blush a little. 'I'm glad you're healing this well; you'll probably be able to leave in just a few more days. Oh, I got what you asked for.'

He handed her a small package, wrapped in brown paper. Namie tore the paper off to find a poetry book, one by Yosano Akiko. It was a new edition of one she had at home.

She stared at it for a long while.

'It's… one of my favourites…', she said quietly. 'How did you know?'

'Actually, it was Orihara-kun who got it.', he told her.

She raised her head to look at him.

'What?'

'Yes, uhm… I don't have much literature here, so he went to the book shop and bought this. He chose it himself.'

Namie looked back at the cover, looking like she wasn't sure if it really was the book she had thought it to be.

'I see…', she murmured.

'You seem surprised, Yagiri-san.', commented Shinra.

Namie caressed the book's spine with her index finger.

'I guess I'm not used to gifts.', she said.

…

A few hours later, when Namie was already reading the book for the second time, paying special attention to her favourite poems, someone knocked on the door again. She expected it to be Shinra bringing dinner, but she was only half right: the one carrying the tray this time was Izaya.

They hadn't seen each other since their argument.

'What are you doing here?', she asked, more bluntly that she had intended.

'Well, I think it's pretty obvious, I'm bringing you your dinner.', he answered, obviously irritated about her tone.

'I meant, how come you are the one bringing it?' She tried to sound nicer this time. 'Where's Kishitani-san?'

'Oh, that. He's had some problems with the kitchen.'

In that moment, Namie could hear the unmistakeable sound of a fire extinguisher.

'He's got it under control, though.', continued Izaya.

Namie stifled a laugh.

'So, there you go. _Bon appetit_.' He left the tray on the bedside table and gave a step towards the door.

'Izaya-san.', she called.

He stopped and turned to look at her.

'Did you really buy this book?'

Izaya was a little puzzled about her question.

'Yeah, I did. Why, you don't like it?'

'Actually, it's one of my favourites; I'm just wondering how did you know.', she explained.

He stared at her for a second, like he was trying to decide if he should said something or not.

'I broke into your apartment when you disappeared.', he finally confessed.

Namie didn't seem surprised.

'I had figured you had.', she said. After all, he had mentioned the pictures from her living room when she had got stabbed. It didn't seem to bother her.

'Well, that's how I knew.', he shrugged. 'I saw it in your shelves and it looked so used I thought you must like it a lot, if you read it that many times. That's why I picked that one.'

Namie nodded, and for a split second Izaya thought he had seen her smile. He resumed his walking to the door, but stopped again once his hand had reached the knob.

'Also…', he muttered, more to himself than to her.

'Also?', echoed Namie.

He looked at her again.

'I read some of it at the book shop. I thought it suited you.'

And with that, he left.

…

The argument and its aftertaste seemed to have vanished from then on. Since Namie had recovered enough to leave the bed, she would spend some time at the living room now. She even sat to watch TV with Izaya sometimes, but she would still get tired easily and be advised by Shinra to go back to bed. At those moments, Izaya would go back to the bookshop and bring her more stuff to read. He always chose it on his own, and she always found it to be a good choice.

On another note, Shinra was extremely busy those days, so he often had to leave to attend some patient, and couldn't take care of Namie. It was Izaya's turn to do so then.

He seemed a bit annoyed to have to at first, but he soon got used to it. He would cook and the like, just as he used to do for himself before Namie started to work for him. She even complimented his cooking once. Another day, a Sunday to be precise, when he had brought her some tea, he was going to leave the room when she suddenly asked him not to. She had read everything already, and the bookstore was closed that day, so she was bored again. Her confinement made her feel isolated from the city's events, so she wanted him to tell her what was going on outside, just as he would do if they were at the office, on an average working day. And thus, being Izaya quite bored too, he told her everything that was happening those days, until the sun had set without them even noticing.

…

That very day, Shinra came back quite agitated. There had been a shooting between some yakuza, and a good deal of them were from Awakusu-Kai. He had to attend to them all, and it was likely that it would take him all night to do so.

'This isn't good, Orihara-kun.', he was telling Izaya. 'I'm worried that something might happen to Yagiri-san while I'm not here to help her.'

'But you said she was healing just fine.', Izaya reminded him .

'She is, indeed; I'm quite positive she'll be able to leave in one or two days, but that's precisely why I'm worried. I don't want to tempt luck.'

'So what are you going to do?', asked Izaya.

'I was hoping you'd watch over her for me.', said Shinra with a nervous smile.

Izaya squinted at him.

'I'm not sure I follow.'

'I want you to stay at her room tonight and to keep an eye on her, so that if anything happens you can call me right away.'

'Right.', said Izaya.

'So you'll do it?', asked Shinra with a bright smile.

'No way in hell.', answered Izaya, crossing his arms in sign of denial.

'Why not?', exclaimed the doctor, clearly disappointed.

'Well, let's see.' Izaya started to count with his fingers. 'First, because she'd killed me if I spent the night in her room. Second, because there's no need: she's fine. And third, I don't want to sleep on a chair.'

'You wouldn't have to sleep on a chair!', protested Shinra. 'Sleeping would be missing the point completely.'

'Whatever, you can forget about it.' Izaya proceeded to go back to his sofa (at this point it was practically his), and to ignore Shinra.

But the doctor wasn't keen on giving up.

'Alright then.', he said, calmly, walking to the sofa. 'But if something _does_ happen, it might just be that I won't be able to make it here in time. We were lucky last time, but who knows what could happen if she were in danger again.'

Izaya pretended not to be listening so well that Shinra started to doubt that he was paying him attention, but he continued nonetheless.

'And if the worst came to happen…'

He leaned on towards Izaya from behind the sofa.

'...it would be your fault.'

Izaya's mouth twitched at his words. He tried to keep his composure, but Shinra had already noticed how he had stiffened.

Izaya closed his eyes and put on his most prideful expression.

'I don't care what you say, you're just being paranoid. I'm not going to do it.', he said.

'Fine, suit yourself.', said Shinra, shrugging. 'I'll be off, then.'

He took his physician bag, and taking a last look at his friend, he opened the door and left.

But he stayed at the other side of the door, waiting.

A couple of minutes later, he distinguished the sound of knocking on a door coming from inside the apartment, and smiling, he finally could leave feeling at ease.

...

'Hey.', he had said on coming in. 'So, I've got bad news.'

'Bad news?', repeated Namie, confused.

'Yes. I'm afraid I'll have to watch over you tonight. Shinra will be out and he's incredibly paranoid about the possibility that something might happen to you while he's not here.'

'Yes, I heard.'

Izaya's eyes widened.

'Wait, you heard?'

'Yes, the walls are paper thin.', she explained. 'But I thought you had refused to do it.'

Izaya sighed deeply.

'I tried, but if I don't do it Shinra will nag me about it forever. So I might as well do it.'

Neither of them really believed those words. It was pretty obvious that he had got paranoid as well. But Namie decided not to tease him about it.

And thus, a couple of hours later, Izaya found himself sitting on a chair, with Namie sleeping soundly on the bed beside him. He had thought she wouldn't be able to sleep a wink, as he imagined she would be too annoyed at his presence there, but she had actually fallen asleep almost immediately.

So, without any chance of conversation with his secretary, and nothing to do but to look at the wall, Izaya was bored out of his wits. His eyes caught a glimpse of the first book he had bought for Namie, the poetry one, laying in the night stand. He reached out for it and started reading it. It was a pleasing poetry, even calming, so much so that he started to feel sleepy. He kept reading in order to avoid that, until he reached a poem that closed with "...as she sleeps beside me". He looked up from the page and stared at the woman who was actually sleeping beside him. She had her back turned to him, so he could only see her long black hair spread over the pillow; bluish reflections shining on it because of the streetlamps light that came through the window. The reflections started to get more and more blurry, more and more unfocused, as his eyes finally closed, and he was completely asleep.

Yet sleeping on a chair can be quite tricky, and not long after, as soon as he moved a bit in his sleep, his shoulders slipped from the back of the chair towards his left, and his whole body followed immediately, making a loud noise that resounded through the whole room.

Namie woke up suddenly, startled, and looked around nervously in search of the source of the noise, only to find that Izaya wasn't anywhere to be seen… until she looked down to the floor.

'What are you doing?', she asked him with a frown.

'What do you mean what am I doing; I just fell down.', he retorted, getting up and rubbing his back.

Namie blinked at him.

'You fell from the chair?', she asked, sounding somewhat amused.

'You find it funny, huh...', said Izaya with a glare, sitting back on the chair.

'No,', she denied, clearing her throat in an attempt to muffle her laughter 'I don't… pfff… I don't find it funny…'

'You're laughing at me even though I fell because I'm watching over you. How heartless.'

'I'm not… hahahaha… I'm not laughing at you… hahaha- AH!'

She grabbed her wound, stung by sudden pain caused by her laughing.

'Ah, see? That's karma.', Izaya scolded her. 'Let me check the wound.'

Namie stiffened.

'I'm fine.', she assured him.

'I'll be the judge of that.', he argued. Namie gave him a defiant stare. 'Look, Shinra will kill me if I don't make sure that everything is fine, and it'll just be a moment.'

She held her stare for a few more seconds, but actually she didn't want to take risks either.

'Alright.', she conceded. 'But make it quick.'

She turned, giving him her back, and pulled up her pyjamas' cloth slightly, showing the scar she would probably have for the rest of her life. It was almost completely cured already. Izaya approached to take a good look to it, searching for any sign of bleeding and the like.

'Laughing when you're recovering from being stabbed is not recommendable, you know?', he chatted meanwhile. 'Just like jumping on the bed…'

Namie looked at him over her shoulder in confusion.

'Why would I jump on the bed?', she asked.

'Well, some people do.'

'After being stabbed?', insisted Namie. 'Who would be that stup-? Oh. I see.' She sounded amused again.

'Anyway,', Izaya interrupted her, 'seems like it's fine.'

He sat back down on the chair, trying to find a comfortable posture, while Namie just observed his fruitless efforts.

'What?', he said, annoyed at her staring.

She then clicked her tongue quietly and sighed.

'Fine.', she said. 'Come here.'

Now it was Izaya's turn to blink at her. Several times.

'Excuse me?'

'You understood me perfectly well; don't make me repeat it.'

Izaya wasn't that convinced that he had understood correctly, though. Because if he had, that would mean that Namie, his cold secretary who didn't seem to care about anything or anyone other than her brother, and who most likely despised him, was asking him (or rather, given her tone, _allowing_ him) to be in the same bed as her. Which was impossible. But it really did sound like that was the very case.

'Are you sure?', he finally asked.

'Just come in already.', she demanded.

…

A few minutes later, when they were already accommodated, Namie tried to get herself back to sleep and to pretend that her boss wasn't lying just a couple of inches away from her; but the feeling that someone was observing her wouldn't let her relax. She opened her eyes to find that Izaya was, as suspected, looking at her quite intently.

'What? Don't look at me like that.', she exclaimed with irritation.

'I'm not looking at you like anything,', he assured, 'I'm just trying to figure this out.'

'Huh? What is there to figure out? Just go to sleep.', she said, turning her back on him and trying to sleep herself.

'I can't sleep, it's too strange!', he exclaimed. 'I've been observing humans for so long now most of them have become predictable, but this… This is something I didn't expect. I mean, don't you hate me? Aren't I supposed to disgust you?'

Namie responded at all his overexcited questions with a sigh, giving up on the idea of getting some sleep that night.

'Don't be ridiculous.', she said. 'You are not disgusting.'

Izaya blinked slowly.

'I'm not?'

She turned again to face him.

'Fine, do you want to know why I let you in here?', she asked him.

'I do.'

She took a deep, slow breath, pretty much like she had done before their argument, and then said:

'Because you saved me back then. And not only that: you've been hiding me. You even gave me a job, even though you didn't need to, and you pay me generously for it. You even tried to sleep on a chair, checking that I'll be fine. And I might not seem so, but I'm not ungrateful. This is the least I could do.'

Listening closely to her words, Izaya remembered how her apartment looked like it had been prepared for a long stay, and how the lock hadn't been changed. Was it because of that, because she was comfortable with her job and the protection it implied? Did it mean that she actually, _really_ trusted him, and was that why she had let him into the bed?

Was that why she had smiled before the fatal moment? Because he had gone to save her?

Had she expected him to rescue her?

If that was the case, if she trusted him on that level… it only made it worse. His protection was faulty, that's how they had got her. And if she had trusted said protection that much, it was all the worse for him.

'So…', he began, 'this is like thanking me.'

'In a way, yes.', she affirmed.

Izaya turned then to look at the ceiling.

'I already told you, though: saving you is hardly something you should thank me for.', he said.

'I still don't know what do you mean.'

'I practically put you there. My protection was full of flaws.'

His voice fell to almost a whisper.

'It's my fault they caught you.'

Namie was astonished. It had never occurred to her that his attitude about the matter could be due to a feeling of guilt. She was surprised to find out that he blamed himself for what had happened to her. And she also thought it was really stupid.

'What are you even talking about?', she blurted. 'They would have taken me ages ago if it weren't for your protection. They have been looking for me fruitlessly all this time; they were quite mad at how difficult you made it for them. And you took me out of there. I'd be dead now… if it weren't for you.'

He just frowned, as if he was thinking _'I don't know about that…'_.

Namie looked at him, at how he wouldn't even look at her.

'Besides…', she added, her voice turning gloomy, 'As much as it pains me to admit it…'

Izaya took a glance at her from the corner of his eye.

'...you were the only one who noticed I had disappeared.'

This time he turned completely, finally looking at her again.

'You hadn't been away for that long…', he started, but she interrupted him.

'I'm not talking about that, and you know it.'

Her meaningful look was quite eloquent. He had indeed suspected she was not only talking about her kidnapping.

'Why are you telling me this?', asked Izaya suddenly.

'Because I heard what you said.' Her voice was now raspy. 'And you're not the only one who…' She fell silent there, unable to say out loud that she too was lonely. She took a breath again. 'I've been missing for half a year and my family hasn't even tried to find me. Yet you noticed in only a few hours…'

They both looked at each other with a pitiful look. Soon enough, Izaya couldn't stand the heavy atmosphere that their conversation had enveloped them with.

'Well, of course I would notice.', he said lively, with his usual careless, laid-back way of speaking. 'Work piles up, you know? Can't have you slacking off like that.'

'I'm sure you could manage without me.', smiled Namie.

'Not anymore, I can't.', replied Izaya slowly.

Her smile faded.

A long silence followed.

Those words had come out so naturally they didn't even feel weird at first. After a while Izaya started to wonder why he had said that; of course he could manage without her, but it would be a bother to have to now, well, maybe he couldn't? Everything was easier when she was around, to be honest, and it wasn't as if she annoyed him, only when she spoke about Seiji, _that_ could be annoying, really annoying indeed, but now he thought about it she had stopped doing that sometime ago, he wondered why, did it had to do with what she had told him about her family not caring for her? She did seem tired of it when she had said it, she didn't seem that tired now but she was staring at him…

She was staring at him, wanting to mock those words, to dismiss them as if they were just one of his silly jokes, as she would usually do, but she didn't feel like it; he had done it again now, what he had said had given her a feeling of acceptance, a feeling of acceptance she couldn't get before and that she had thought she didn't need, but now she got it it was hard to ditch it, she hadn't known what she was missing, she hadn't even noticed she was missing anything like she hadn't noticed the moonlight, no, wait, it couldn't be moonlight, there was no moon that day, what was that white light shining in his eyes, then? Streetlamps, must have been the streetlamps light coming through the window from the other side of the room…

The streetlamps light shined like moonlight on the curve of her cheekbone and made it look like smoothed snow, it was white where the light shined and blue where it didn't but wait there was some blue where it shined? It looked like a shadow but it was weird, it couldn't be a shadow... Of course. It was a bruise. Blue and small and round and it shouldn't have been there, he thought, as his thumb caressed it lightly, like trying to brush it off..."

It took him a while to realise what he was doing. His eyes met Namie's. They both seemed confused.

Izaya retreated his hand, not sure about when he had stretched it out in the first place.

He wanted to say something before Namie could kill him for touching her, but words failed to come, and also, she didn't do anything.

'We should probably sleep.', she managed to say after a while.

'Yeah.', he agreed, quietly.

Namie was feeling strange by the awkward atmosphere, and she could tell that Izaya was feeling like that too.

'I mean, you must be tired from hitting the floor.', she teased, trying to lift the mood.

'Ha. Hilarious.', he responded sarcastically.

But he had smiled.

'Good night, Namie-san.'

That took her off guard, but she answered nonetheless.

'Good night, Izaya-san.'

Izaya finally closed his eyes to sleep, but now it was Namie who laid wide awake. It wasn't uncommon to wish good night, it was actually a very normal thing, yet…

She couldn't remember the last time somebody had wished her good night.

She couldn't even remember if somebody had ever wished her good night.

…

Izaya was sleeping soundly at last when something interrupted his dreams. He didn't wake up immediately, as it was just a feeling, like something tickling his cheek, or rather, the corner of his mouth. It had probably been the sheets. He turned, still dozing, and felt something again, tracing and cupping his jaw, as he heard a soft, distant voice.

'Izaya…'

'Hm?'

He felt the tickling again, but now it was at his lips.

That's when he started to wake up.

He was still half asleep, though, and didn't quite get what was going on. He might still have been dreaming, but it felt too real. Yet couldn't be real; it couldn't be real that Namie was kissing him.

And yet it felt very real, and very nice, and before he was actually fully aware of what was happening he found himself kissing her back, not opening his eyes in case that would wake him up from that dream, feeling her long, slender fingers running through his hair…

It was too good to be real, so he _wanted_ it to be real, and he _had_ to know if it was real, so in the end he decided to open his eyes, risking the fantasy to fade. And there she was, his beautiful secretary, eyes closed and close to him, so close he could have counted her eyelashes, and she was really kissing him, until she noticed he had opened his eyes at last. He opened his mouth to say something, and she immediately reacted and kissed him again. After a while she said, with her lips still against his:

'You tend to spoil stuff by talking… I'm not letting you talk this time.'

Then, as Namie trapped his lower lip between hers, Izaya noticed that there wasn't any need for her to stop him from speaking.

There wasn't anything he would want to say at that moment.

…

The rising sun shined through the window, substituting the streetlamps light. This time, Izaya woke up easily, but he didn't open his eyes immediately. He wanted to feel the sunlight tickling his eyes, like someone had tickled him before, and to feel the softness of the sheets, remembering that of her skin. But when he ran his hand up the sheets he noticed there was too much space on the bed. He opened his eyes to find out why, and confirmed what he had suspected.

Namie wasn't there.

For a moment he thought that maybe it had all been a dream after all, but he remembered it too well. And then a noise made him realise what was happening, a noise coming from the apartment's front door being closed.

He hurriedly got up from the bed and out of the room while getting dressed. He almost ran into Shinra, who seemed to have just got up too, as he was wearing his pyjamas. Izaya hadn't even heard him getting home that night.

'Oh, Orihara-kun, good morning.', he yawned. 'Hey, did you hear the front the door just now? Maybe I just... imagined it…'

Shinra fell silent, finally taking a proper look at the state of his friend.

'Wait a second, why are you half nak- OH MY GOD YOU DON'T MEAN-?', he exclaimed, looking with eyes wide open at Izaya and then at Namie's room.

Izaya ignored him, or rather he wasn't even listening, and once he was fully dressed he hastily grabbed his coat from the hook and got out of there, already running.


	3. I Can Give Myself

Outside it was one of those damp mornings, but the sun seemed to intend to stay for the whole day. At the moment, though, it was still fighting the last bits of fog that tried to keep the streets grey.

There weren't much people around at that hour, and the few that one could find were either too sleepy or too drunk to notice anything. So nobody saw the woman clad in men's clothes that walked those streets, going slower and slower with each step that she took, until she reached a alleyway and couldn't walk anymore.

Leaning on the wall, Namie tried to get her breathing back to normal. Although the wound was almost painless by now and didn't really risk to reopen, she had spent too long in Shinra's apartment, without walking no more than the distance from her room to the bathroom, the kitchen and the living room sofa. The most exercise she had had those days had been… Well, that didn't matter now. The thing was that now, even though she had only gone as far as one street, she was absolutely exhausted.

So tired she was that she only wanted to lay down… And her body seemed to be taking the decision to do it by itself. She felt her knees bending and the floor coming closer, and she just didn't have the energy to do anything about it… She could only close her eyes and hope for the hit not to be a too hard one.

And it wasn't. She had hit something thin but soft, something which seemed to be wrapping around herself and making her stand up. She opened her eyes to find that Izaya was once again holding her. He had appeared at the very moment in which she had started to fall, just in time to take her.

'What are you doing!?'

Namie had never seen him that angry before, not even when they had had that argument some days back. But he wasn't just mad: he was also worried, sad, anxious. His breathing was fast and his cheeks bright red due to the running.

Namie tried to push him away, and hesitation almost made him let go of her, but his wanting of answers had him hold her firmly. He repeated his question.

'I'm running away.', she finally answered.

'From what?'

'From you!'

That froze him on the spot, and she got away from his grip. Still, she didn't leave.

Izaya just stared at her.

'You've done it again, haven't you?', Namie accused him, trying to look angry, but she only sounded like she was nervous. 'You manipulate people for a living and as a hobby; it seems like it was only a matter of time that you did the same to me and you finally achieved it, right?'

'Wrong!', he denied immediately. 'What are you even talking about? You think I've manipulated you?'

'I can't think of any other reason why I would behave like I did!', she said. 'I… wasn't myself…'

She didn't sound very sure about it. Izaya thought then that Namie seemed to be confused, and he was right: she was having trouble to understand herself. As she had said, she hadn't been herself; not only the night before, but those days she had been recovering. Even Izaya wasn't quite the same, but she hadn't really realized that yet, which was why she had thought when she woke up that morning that maybe he had worked his mind tricks on her.

'I can actually think of one reason.', said Izaya quietly.

Namie looked at him as if she didn't understand what he meant by that, until it dawned on her a second later, and she couldn't help to blush despite herself. Because actually, the possibility had crossed her mind too, but she had discarded it immediately, thinking it impossible. Or rather, not wanting to admit it.

'Listen,', Izaya continued, 'do you really think you're like one of my pawns, that I can trick you? Because that's ridiculous. I can assure you that the Yagiri Namie I know is nothing of the sort. She's no one to act according to another but her own will.'

Namie wanted to answer, but words failed her. She didn't find a way to refute his argument. It was hard to do so when she actually didn't fully believe on her own accusation; when she thought too grandly of herself to think that someone could really tamper with her mind or actions.

She really wanted to answer, but instead she could only look at Izaya with eyes of fear. Not fear of him but of herself, being right now the most confused she had ever been in her life.

'I want to believe that,', she managed to say after a while, 'but I've seen you done it dozens of times to dozens of unsuspecting people. I just can't help to wonder whether I'm like them or not. And the possibility that I might be makes me want to run away from you.'

'Namie…', he started, taking a step towards her, but she interrupted him.

'How can I know you haven't tricked me?', she asked. 'How can I know it's not a big, elaborated lie, one only you could pull off?'

He was now as much at a loss for words as she had just been. That feeling he had had when she had got stabbed, the one of her going to leave his side, was creeping inside him once again. He felt that whatever he answered would make the difference between her staying and her leaving. And now that he knew how it felt to lose her, and how it felt to have her, he simply didn't want to let her go. But he couldn't find what words to say.

'I think your silence is quite eloquent.', she said.

She started to walk away slowly, but as she passed by his side he grabbed her arm lightly, like he had moved by instinct.

'You said you want to believe me,', he said, 'shouldn't that be enough?'

He was looking at her with almost pleading eyes, a look she had never seen on him.

'If you say you want to believe me it must be that you're running away for some other reason.', he added. 'So why?'

She lowered her head, not really wanting to answer.

'For one,', she finally said, 'we are both too self-destructive. I don't think anything good could come of this.'

'We _were_ too self-destructive. You know that began to end long ago; you must've noticed.', he reminded her.

'Alright, I'll give you that.', admitted Namie. 'But is not the only thing.'

The other reason was harder for her to say; Izaya could tell so by the look on her face, and he started to suspect what it was.

'You mean _him_ , right?', he muttered, sounding almost angry.

'You already knew about that…'

He let her arm loose and turned his back on her all of a sudden, as if he had ran out of patience and was giving up on her. He faced her then, looking both angry and disappointed.

'But why?', he shouted, 'Why? He only remembers you when he needs something; he doesn't even thank you for what you do for him, and you have done pretty much EVERYTHING for him! You even took care of his attempt of murder and turned it into a girlfriend for him, for crying out loud! And has he ever said as much as "Thanks"? He doesn't even call you by your name, Namie, so tell me why would you fixate on him!?'

'Because it's easier that way!', she snapped.

They stared at each other. Izaya was breathless, and Namie's eyes were watery.

'I know all that,', she told him, 'but it's easier for me to live like this. I know what to expect. That way… That way I can't get hurt.'

If Shinra had been there that moment, he would have said that Namie was just like Izaya.

And Izaya himself realized that.

'But aren't you exhausted?', he asked her with a sad tone.

Namie looked at him, not knowing what to say. She hadn't expected that question.

'Because when you talked about your family… You did sound really tired.'

'Even so…', she muttered, 'you can't expect me to change just like that, after all these years… I can't just forget about it.'

'Last night I would have said you had.', said Izaya quietly.

She looked him in the eyes.

'I don't even know if this is what I want.'

'And you think you'll find out by fleeing?'

Once again she couldn't find what to say. Her confusion was starting to dissipate, but she still couldn't help to doubt.

'Why would _you_ want this, though?', she blurted. 'I'm a mess, and you're a mess, so why?'

He was taken aback by the sudden question, and he didn't know what to answer at first. But he soon realized what he wanted to say.

He took a step towards her, and looked at her intently.

'Because the last thought I had when I got stabbed was of you.'

A dense silence followed. The morning breeze made Izaya's hair wave slightly. He didn't even blink, and Namie was gaping at him. Everything except for him was blurry now.

'You're lying.', she said, with a voice so low it was almost inaudible.

'You should know by now that I only lie to myself.', he replied.

She did know that. She was one of the very few people who knew. But that was not the reason why she believed him; it was because of what she had told him the night before: he was the only one who thought about her.

'I can't be the only one who has doubts.', said Namie after a while. 'How are so sure about this? Aren't you scared?'

'I would be scared if the scariest thing hadn't already happened.' Seeing her confusion about that answer, he added: 'I thought I lost you once. Now I know how that feels I don't want to let you go.'

She shut her lips tight, and the lower one trembled. For a second Izaya thought he had somehow made her angry, until she bumped her head against his chest and just stayed there.

Not sure about what to do then, Izaya carefully rested his hands on her waist. Since she didn't seem bothered by it, he locked his arms around her.

'You're making this really difficult and you're an asshole for it.', she said then, her head still against him.

'I was going for cute, but okay.', he replied.

She smiled at that.

Izaya raised her chin lightly with his index finger. After a second looking at each other, Namie approached her face towards his, and he immediately reacted. She was a bit surprised at his rushing to kiss her, but she understood it as him wanting to be the first to do so this time, so she just wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him back.

Long after, they finally broke the kiss. By that time, the sun was already up completely, but they were still pretty much alone at the street.

Izaya took a strand of Namie's hair and put it behind her ear.

'You know…', he said, 'At first I thought that you left because maybe I had, well, _hurt_ you.'

'More like the opposite.', Namie chuckled.

'Oh, really?', he smiled, getting closer again.

'What about me, did I hurt you?', she asked playfully.

'Well, I would give you the same answer you just gave me if you hadn't bitten my earlobe.'

'Right, sorry about that.'

'No, don't be.', said Izaya, kissing her once again.  
After a while, they looked at each other, and they knew it was time.

'Shall we go back, then?', asked Izaya.

Namie nodded, and they started walking towards Shinra's apartment.

'By the way, Namie.', said Izaya.

'Yes?'

'What on earth are you wearing? Are those Shinra's clothes?'

She was wearing a white shirt and a pair of black trousers that were obviously too big on her, and she had had to tie a belt on them to keep them from falling down. She also had a white lab coat serving as a trench coat of sorts.

'Yes, it was the only clothing I could find.', she answered. 'Well, not the only one; I did find some clothes that seemed to belong to the dullahan, but I didn't think them... _appropriate_.'

'Ah. I see.', Izaya laughed. _'Shinra, you perv.'_ , he thought.

Funnily enough, Shinra pretty much accused him of the same thing when they got back to the apartment, and since Namie would stay a few more days because the doctor was quite paranoid her wound would open because of what had happened (even though it was perfectly fine), he had forbid Izaya to get close to her room.

An order both Izaya and Namie were happy to disobey.


	4. As She Sleeps Beside Me

Nothing beats the comfort of sleeping in your own bed. After spending so long on Shinra's apartment, Namie was now really aware of that. She had missed her white, delicately decorated room, the softness of her pillow, the wideness of the mattress… Although, as of now, it didn't feel as wide as before.

Pretty much as he had done with his friend's sofa, a certain someone had seized half of her bed and didn't seem to be going to let go of it any time soon. Not that she would complain, though.

Tonight was just another of many nights spent like this, with Namie and Izaya sleeping soundly.

Until something started to disturb her sleep: she was feeling a strange pressure on her left side, like something was grabbing her. She tried to ignore it, but the pressure was increasing its strength and it was getting annoying, bordering on painful. She was about to wake up completely when she noticed that whatever it was that was grabbing her, it was trembling.

And then came the scream.

'NAMIE!'

She startled and looked around her anxiously. Izaya was sitting up on the bed, breathing heavily, and his limbs were trembling. Cold sweat shone on his forehead.

She then realized that what she had felt had been his hand.

'Hey.' she called softly, putting her hand on his shoulder. He jumped a bit at her touch and looked at her with scared eyes, until he realised who it was, and relief bathed his face.

'Did you have a nightmare again?', asked Namie.

'Yes.' he rubbed his eyes and run his hand through his hair. 'It's so annoying.'

'You hadn't had any in a long time.', Namie pointed out with a certain worry.

'I know, I thought it was over already.'

'Was it the same one as the other times?'

'The very one.'

When they started sleeping together regularly, Namie found out that Izaya had been having a recurrent nightmare since the day she got stabbed; a nightmare that recreated that very moment and the feeling of her dying on his arms over and over.

Namie noticed then that Izaya was squeezing her hand. That made her smile.

She cupped his jaw with the other hand, very much like she had done the first time she had kissed him, and looking him in the eyes, she said:

'I'm fine, I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere. You won't get rid of me that easily.'

'Same goes for you.', he answered smiling, and kissed her softly.

'Let's go back to sleep.', she said lying down.

'That's easy for you to say.', he sighed, letting his head fall tiredly on the pillow.

'How can you complain that much when you get to sleep with me?', she teased.

'Oh? And when did you get that full of yourself?', he smiled.

'Must've rubbed off a certain someone.'

'Hmmm, I see.', he said, hugging her tightly and burying his face on the base of her neck.

Even though he had complained, it didn't take him long to feel drowsy again. Namie laid her cheek on the top of his head as she felt him falling asleep. She ran her fingers through his hair as she usually did; it was a habit by now. Izaya reacted to her caress, holding her more tightly.

'Hmmloveyou...', he mumbled on his sleep.

Namie's heart skipped a beat. She was paralyzed for a second. It was the first time that anybody had said that to her, but she was more shocked at how happy she was that it had been him the one to say it. He seemed to have a talent to say nice things that she had never been told before, taking her off guard everytime. She wanted to hate him for the effect his words always had on her, but she felt quite the opposite.

What mattered was that she was happy, and she had been so ever since they got together. Thus, she pulled him closer to her, and smiling she whispered:

'I love you too.'

Despite being almost completely asleep already, Izaya heard her clearly, and smiled too as he planned to tease her about it in the morning.


End file.
